Vogon poetry is a variety of poetry, often considered to be one of the worst in the universe.
Description in the Hitchhiker's GuideEdit
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning", four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save life itself-leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
- Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
- Thy micturitions are to me,
- As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
- On a lurgid bee,
- That mordiously hath bitled out,
- Its earted jurtles,
- Into a rancid festering confectious inner-sphincter. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
- Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
- Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
- And living glupules frart and slipulate,
- Like jowling meated liverslime,
- Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,
- And hooptiously drangle me,
- With crinkly bindlewurdles,
- Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
- See if I don't.